"Mom Guilt"

"Mom Guilt". Someone should tell all new Moms @ the extreme amount of guilt they will feel upon entering Motherhood. Guilt over any and everything at any given time. This was a surprise to me. I mean I expected a little but all the time? Something must be wrong with me. Here's a nice little example to show u how nutso I can be. I told Andy we would try to go to the library after VBS today. What I didn't think @ is the reality that we don't have time today. See I take little trips to the Magical Kingdom-mom version. Where I am super Mom and can do all things with no time constraints. I invent these super fab agendas in my head and bc in the magic kingdom they work I am comletely devasted when I am back in the real world and can't fit it all in. Luckily I don't divulge all my "splendid" plans with Andy, otherwise he'd not only be stressed but also dissapointed. So here I sit feeling like a failure bc not only can we not go to the library (which he only wants to go bc I'm making him read lol) but I also couldn't pick him up so he's riding with the neighbor and her kids bc I had to do some work. *sigh* the part that makes me nut is that he is best friends with the neighbors and they are like family. And, in fact she usually picks them up. In reality as I am drowning in my guilt the rational part of me knows he would rather be wherever the boys are. So if they r with her that's where he wants to be. If they r with me, that's where he wants to be. I know all this so why am I still feeling like a loser? Good question. No one can seem to ease it. Well, that's not true, I only tqalked to andrew as he worked and he wa super busy so he just looked at me as I half talked and half thought and trying to help smiled saying "its ok.". Ok? No I need more than that-so, I call the mom help hotline-my mom. That def helped. However I was only relieved from this guilt after talking to my sweet son. He was happy and so excited that instead of going to the library for a little while today we r going to try to go next week with the neighbors, downtown. That got me a hearty "cool. Love you Mom. Bye.". Insert relief and a smile. What I didn't tell him was my loftyh plans of taking the train to the downtown library! Nevermind its blocks from the trainstation...there I go again

Andy just finished a dbl header. He was catcher-his 1st time. He did great! Had a great attitude and game! He hustles no matter what. We are so proud :)
Not to mention how cute he looks!

Andy is @ kroger with my neighbor and her boys-his 2 best friends. They are having a serious argument @ who's Dad is the best! My neighbor took her boys to pick out Father's day cards and let Andy tag along. She said that Andy proudly said "My dad is the BEST DAD." Of course all little boys think their Dad is the best so her son refuted this. But Andy took it really seriously and he was getting upset (lol). He told his best friend... "you don't understand, my Dad is the best. He came all the way to Ukraine to get me and adopt me."

If that isn't heart melting I don't know what is. He's so sweet. This has been such an amazing journey. I promise to fill in the gaps because we've had some really funny stories.
Oh, and they took a fart machine! My poor neighbor!

I'm back....or at least trying to be

Where have I been? I don't know how it has been so long since my last post? I really do love posting....I am trying to think of a reason why I haven't had time to post....hmm Below are a few things I think may have kept me a bit tied up.
1. teaching my Andy English
2. learning how to be a mom
3. cooking
4. cleaning
5. laundry
6. figuring out how to 'make friends' with total strangers on account that they too have a 10 yr old--aawwwkwwaaaard
7. laundry
8. keeping my calm
9. debating time out with other punishments
10. being frustrated
11. being tired
12. figuring out my place as Mom at school....pta....room mom
13. little league
14. youth soccer
15. vbs
16. being a mom
17. feeling guilty
18. wondering why i feel guilty all the sudden
19. helping andy learn to read
20. laundry
21. feeling guilty....again
22. homework
23. summer!
24. playing with Andy
25. hosting sleepovers
26. play dates
27. LAUNDRY!!! AAAAH
28. answering the question--mom where are you
29. working
30. wondering what i've been up to and why i'm so busy and tired?

I gotta say I thought I could do all of the above and still write, post, edit, talk on the phone, work out and be super mom and wife. Funny thing. I can't. And I feel guilty that I can't??
Maybe some of you other Mom's can let me in on the secret.

So....I'm going to try to write more...although I don't know that anyone other than my family really cares to read it :) Nevertheless....just be patient with me as I don't edit these half the time! So don't shoot me down as I bare my soul :)

By the way....thanks for reading :)