"Mom Guilt"

"Mom Guilt". Someone should tell all new Moms @ the extreme amount of guilt they will feel upon entering Motherhood. Guilt over any and everything at any given time. This was a surprise to me. I mean I expected a little but all the time? Something must be wrong with me. Here's a nice little example to show u how nutso I can be. I told Andy we would try to go to the library after VBS today. What I didn't think @ is the reality that we don't have time today. See I take little trips to the Magical Kingdom-mom version. Where I am super Mom and can do all things with no time constraints. I invent these super fab agendas in my head and bc in the magic kingdom they work I am comletely devasted when I am back in the real world and can't fit it all in. Luckily I don't divulge all my "splendid" plans with Andy, otherwise he'd not only be stressed but also dissapointed. So here I sit feeling like a failure bc not only can we not go to the library (which he only wants to go bc I'm making him read lol) but I also couldn't pick him up so he's riding with the neighbor and her kids bc I had to do some work. *sigh* the part that makes me nut is that he is best friends with the neighbors and they are like family. And, in fact she usually picks them up. In reality as I am drowning in my guilt the rational part of me knows he would rather be wherever the boys are. So if they r with her that's where he wants to be. If they r with me, that's where he wants to be. I know all this so why am I still feeling like a loser? Good question. No one can seem to ease it. Well, that's not true, I only tqalked to andrew as he worked and he wa super busy so he just looked at me as I half talked and half thought and trying to help smiled saying "its ok.". Ok? No I need more than that-so, I call the mom help hotline-my mom. That def helped. However I was only relieved from this guilt after talking to my sweet son. He was happy and so excited that instead of going to the library for a little while today we r going to try to go next week with the neighbors, downtown. That got me a hearty "cool. Love you Mom. Bye.". Insert relief and a smile. What I didn't tell him was my loftyh plans of taking the train to the downtown library! Nevermind its blocks from the trainstation...there I go again

Andy just finished a dbl header. He was catcher-his 1st time. He did great! Had a great attitude and game! He hustles no matter what. We are so proud :)
Not to mention how cute he looks!

Andy is @ kroger with my neighbor and her boys-his 2 best friends. They are having a serious argument @ who's Dad is the best! My neighbor took her boys to pick out Father's day cards and let Andy tag along. She said that Andy proudly said "My dad is the BEST DAD." Of course all little boys think their Dad is the best so her son refuted this. But Andy took it really seriously and he was getting upset (lol). He told his best friend... "you don't understand, my Dad is the best. He came all the way to Ukraine to get me and adopt me."

If that isn't heart melting I don't know what is. He's so sweet. This has been such an amazing journey. I promise to fill in the gaps because we've had some really funny stories.
Oh, and they took a fart machine! My poor neighbor!

I'm back....or at least trying to be

Where have I been? I don't know how it has been so long since my last post? I really do love posting....I am trying to think of a reason why I haven't had time to post....hmm Below are a few things I think may have kept me a bit tied up.
1. teaching my Andy English
2. learning how to be a mom
3. cooking
4. cleaning
5. laundry
6. figuring out how to 'make friends' with total strangers on account that they too have a 10 yr old--aawwwkwwaaaard
7. laundry
8. keeping my calm
9. debating time out with other punishments
10. being frustrated
11. being tired
12. figuring out my place as Mom at school....pta....room mom
13. little league
14. youth soccer
15. vbs
16. being a mom
17. feeling guilty
18. wondering why i feel guilty all the sudden
19. helping andy learn to read
20. laundry
21. feeling guilty....again
22. homework
23. summer!
24. playing with Andy
25. hosting sleepovers
26. play dates
27. LAUNDRY!!! AAAAH
28. answering the question--mom where are you
29. working
30. wondering what i've been up to and why i'm so busy and tired?

I gotta say I thought I could do all of the above and still write, post, edit, talk on the phone, work out and be super mom and wife. Funny thing. I can't. And I feel guilty that I can't??
Maybe some of you other Mom's can let me in on the secret.

So....I'm going to try to write more...although I don't know that anyone other than my family really cares to read it :) Nevertheless....just be patient with me as I don't edit these half the time! So don't shoot me down as I bare my soul :)

By the way....thanks for reading :)

Christmas

A lot of you have asked me about our 1st family Christmas. I have been meaning to write about it forever as it was so wonderful and magical. I kept putting it off until I had "time" but tonight I realize that will never happen. So I'm going to write about it now--even though I am not really in a "writing mood" if you will.

So seeing as Andy is 10 and this is likely the last year he will believe in Santa Claus--I decided to really milk it for all it's worth. I mean I really want to do as much damage as possible :)
Needless to say, Andy saw Santa Claus. Not in the mall--in his TV room, in the middle of the night.
It was MAGICAL. My heart was pounding, Andrew's heart was pounding and Andy was just beyond excited.
We woke him up at about 2am (because that was when we finally got everything ready--who knew all the work that went into Christmas as a parent! wow) and told him we thought we heard Santa on our roof.
He rubbed his eyes and looked at us puzzled and then it was as if it set in and his eyes grew as big as saucers. He didn't say a word he just grabbed both of Andrews hands and crept out into the hall in front of him.
We all 3 snuck down the hall and peered around the corner to see Jolly 'ol St Nick stuffing stockings and eating cookies--right there at our fireplace! (I was so excited I almost forgot I was the one who dressed my Father-in-law up in the suit!)

We ran back to the room breathless and Andy gasped saying "I can't believe I saw Santa Claus." "Now I really believe" (hence me saying I'm inflicting damage...hey whatever, his friends still believe. So if you are a Santa hater back off).

Andrew and I were reveling in this back in the tv room after snuggling Andy back into bed. Andrew admitted that it was a lot more fun than he'd thought it would be. He didn't think Andy believed and informed me more than once that Andy was only saying he did because I had in fact told him if he didn't believe there would be no presents. Which is true--I'm hardcore on this...jk

Anyhow I have never seen a child so excited. It's amazing how a tree full of lights and the belief of a child can turn a regular old tv room into something so magical.

The next morning he told everyone. It was so fun. He of course looooved Christmas. He fell on the floor at one point arms out to each side just saying I can't believe this in response to all of his presence. It was our best BEST best Christmas ever.

There of course is more but Andrew is starting the movie without me haha and I think that's probably the part you really wanted to hear anyway. But don't worry or get all huffy--Andy knows the REAL reason for Christmas and we did plenty to ensure that. I didn't just dress up Santa :P

Andy's Prayer Tonight

Dear God,

Thank you for my Mudder and my Fadder.
Thank you for my friends and my friends at school.
God help my friends and my friends at school who have no money and who's parents have no money.
God help the children in Ukraine who have no homes and no family.
God help the people on drugs. Help them to stop drugs.
God help people who don't believe in God...You. Help them start believe in You.
Help the people with no home who sleep outside, who are cold and wet and have no home.
Amen.

Time out

I don't know about you but time out went from being a lifesaver to a real drain. I mean really when I've got over an hour in time out--who really cares? Andy doesn't. The other day, ok week, he was reaaaallly on bad behavior. He gets time out in 5 min increments and let me just tell you he was up to 45 minutes! Judge me all you want but I'm tellin' you--it was keep adding time out or pull out all my hair and who knows what else may have happened. So...here's how this conversation went...get ready to laugh or wince...me I did both--although the laughing came much later, after the wincing, a hot bath and 3 Tylenols ;)

Me--"Andy, you have to go to bed. You can sit on the stairs and fuss as long as you want. However, you already have 20 minutes of time out tomorrow so I'd suggest you go to bed."
Andy--"I don't want to do this. I won't do this. " (insert horribly mean face)
Me--"Well it is your decision but however many minutes you sit there will be the amount of time out added to your 20 minutes tomorrow."
Andy--Screams. Stomps. Sitting.
---insert clock ticking and me doing my best to appear totally calm as I clean the kitchen.
---yep, he's still sitting on the steps staring me down.
anybody got the jeapordy music handy? No, ok I like listening to 10yr old whining, it's cool.

Finally 10 minutes later he walks to his room, however, I can tell this battle's not over. Oh no...it is faaar from over. As he walks into his room and I tell him the total amount of time out he has, (desperately hoping he'll make the right decision as I tell him to go to bed now that he'll do it. I mean surely this kid's tired) he turns and looks right at me and says "I don't care how much time out I have--I love time out. Give me 2 hours of time out."

You are wondering what I did aren't you? Well at the risk of you all thinking I'm a bad Mom, too strict, or not strict enough... I'll tell you. Just keep in mind--I'm doing the best I can and um... well, I generally only write the good things about Andy and this is just a fraction of his "bad behavior" (bless his heart :) that is what we say after something like that right?)

Well, what did I do then? I agreed and gave him 2 hours of time out. I mean it was a challenge--and with Andy--you can't back down. So 2 hours it is. He says he's happy about it. But the way he screamed as I left tells me he is in fact not happy about it at all.

So, not only did I punish Andy--but I punished MYSELF. Do you know how miserable tomorrow is going to be for us both. Oh man, if only I could call in sick.

I gotta go...Andy's been yelling for me for about 2 minutes. I guess he wants more time out?
First thing tomorrow I am coming up with a new punishment plan. This timeout thing as I said....doesn't work well enough.

When the going gets tough...the tough... go sit in the tub and cry. kiiiiiidddding.
They put THEMSELVES in time out.